it's been a while since i've posted, and i'd make it quick and painless for all of us.
a few things startled me since i've been in kl, namely:

1. i saw a malay couple diplay their affection in public a while ago, at a lrt station. obviously they're
married. it made me think, why aren't there more of them?

2. i saw a hindu girl talking to another hindu girl this morning .....in MALAY !! is it finally the racial integration we've been waiting for, or is it kikisan budaya?

3. in my workplace, even if i'm younger, we always address each other as aku n kau. it's mind boggling and i have to admit it's a cultural shock for me, but i'll get used to it.

4. female colleagues touching you and getting all phsyical.....i'm still not used to it.

5. me getting operated this week end, even though i'm not sick....i have to get a procedure done for my hernia problem, and i'll be admitted this thursday. i get two weeks paid leave, and my boss said 'no problem'....

does these shits boggle you too?

nightlife in penang

2 minggu di bangi, training....makan tidor semua free....minyak kereta sev, mandi hot water running, bilik rating gempak tak hingat, dobi tiap2 hari tu...

fehh....

i've just returned from a 3-day survival course at kelana jaya.mas academy centre. di mana semua awek2 meletup berkumpul. serius cuci mata tak hingat. tambah bila depa senyum kat kita pulak kan. peh.

kemudian baru aku teringat. memang la kerja depa senyum kat orang.

*pilu*.

anyways, course tu memang susah tak hingat. satu part tu, kita kena duduk dalam simulator helicopter, and dia dunk upside down dalam pool. kita duduk dalam tu restrained dengan seat belt kan, dengan terbalik la apa lagi la, memang disoriented tak hingat.

sebelum tu bakal2 stewardesses semua buat benda mcm tu jugak. time kami, instructor tu kata, jaga2 kalau hangpa telan air, telan sekali kencing pramugari....lawak lawak.

so, the course, ended late this afternoon.semua orang penat macam nak mampuih. tapi lepas tu lepak kat cafe, semua orang perati stewardesses masuk keluar cafe.....

pehh...

chances are, if you'd read enough of my postings in this blog here, you've probably come to
a conclusion that the person behind the keyboard here's got some beef with the world, and
life, for that matter. he'd always be unhappy with the current situation and would try to pass
the buck to other party. well, that'd be partly true. i have a slightly (slightly is a major under-
statement here) pessimistic view of life. yes, i do. in the event of something, i'd almost always
expect the worst thing that could happen, and when it really happened, i wouldn't be so
disappointed. maybe it's because i'm used to the engineering's conservative point of view. you
know, the most severe loading, the least expected yield strength of materials, the most unlikely
combination of loads, etc.....structural engineers'd get what i'm blabbering about here.

the point is: i'm still wondering wether i'm still going to find happiness (or the other way round).
i thought of this when i attended one of my friend's wedding. he looked content and happy with
his spouse. from my point of view, the road he's heading is still long and winding, but deep
inside, i know he'll make it. everyone will.

or is the question provoked by my 'perpetual-hesitation-to-find-a-soulmate'-ness?
it was supposed to be so eeeeasy.......the streets.

pathetic story aside, yesterday i had a blast. i went to pak lan's kenduri at perlis. pi dua kali.
seriously, best gila jumpak member2 lama. high tak ingat. let's see..chai,mi,jamy,man,ijai,wadi,
dani,jibam,latip,abun,fakhrin,saf,mat telog,paklan (mesti la),syahrul,mad hashim,apek,najeb,
mijat ngan pian ada jugak, tapi depa chow awai. lepas tu semua lepak kat rumah apek, layan
sembang tak hingat, kutuk2, merapu macam haram....memetik kata2 mad hashim..."mana
nak dapat dah lepak ramai2 macam ni". so true, md hashim, so true.

lepas tu ramai2 pi hospital kangar tengok tempat kerja najeb. dia kerja kat kangar, tunang dia
kerja kat hosp alor star, akad sabtu (esok a), dan kenduri ahad ni kat sp. sayangnya i couldn't
attend. i've to beat the traffic this weekend, man. ralat gila. it was great seeing these guys
i hadn't seen in a long time, and catching up with 'em. semua perangai lebih kurang macam
lama jugak. mat telog kerja kat fertilizer gurun, saf kerja kat ipoh, abun kerja kat kl,
fakhrin tgh upsi lagi,apek kerja lecturer kat poli jitra,....yg lain dah cerita dah.

this is good.

lupa nak habag pulak.

ada koleksi gambar kenduri pak lan kat www.photobucket.com

username oldwallet
password smssmj

raya turned out to be quite a drag for me. for the first time, i actually enjoyed puasa more than
raya. the other times, i just ignored both the same amount of ignorance. this time, i was quite
sad that i'd be fasting no more. raya came by and went just the same to me. i didn't even iron
my baju raya this time (well, it was in good condition).

i woke up late this morning and watched the one movie i've been trying to get my hands on,
'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'. jim carey and kate winslet are in it. two of my favourite
thespians.excellent cast, excellent story, brilliant camera work, unique genre, what else can i
say? kongkang......

all things set aside, this is what you'd call great chemistry. it's as if they're both together in real
life.......ha ha ha...i'd like to insert something in parentheses here, but i'd rather not. it's about
jim involved with kate, and basically kate has erased her memories with jim. jim found out, and
heartbroken and all, decided that he'd get the same procedure. what you get in the movie is
basically the visual of what's happening in jim's head, and the proceeding erasure of kate in
it. mid-way through, he realizes that he's still in love with her, and they tried to avoid being
erased from the memories in jim's mind. some of their methods are quite funny, brilliant
at its most.

i almost forgot that it's basically a love story. something that i'd avoid at all cost.

go see it. i'd like for it to be the true story of my life, but i'd be just unbelievable.

i'd sure like it to be, though.

lapar nak mampuih time raya.

tomorrow i'd probably be home. tonight i'm leaving this (kind of lovable) city for qalha, and frankly i'm quite excited at the prospect of another road trip. obviously, i'm starting the journey at night.....the weather's cooler (i hope) and maybe, just maybe the road, not too full (again, i'm hoping for horned kittens here...)

previously, i entertained the thought of taking a flight to qalha and back, but certain complications made it impossible. wouldn't it be cool to get back home on a plane? (getting a bit of a high here)....on the other hand, it costs as much as ( if not more) the whole expense of driving back home. or is it the other way round? i know someday i'd travel by air, but it's just a mental thing really, not wanting to part with your hard-earned money (iye ke?)....i really have to get this inferiority complex sorted out, man. it's f**king bugging the hell out of me.

anyways, i know it's gonna be one hell of a holiday. i got some escalating work waiting for me (i'm not finishing it now, no matter how severe it's gonna get when i return, man).....and i need to get some rest after work, seriously. yesterday, i went to low yat for some things and i walked like crazy, and i went home at 10.30pm, tidor terus. sahur pun tak. peh.

anyways, selamat hari raya to anyone who knows me (or anyone who wished they hadn't knew me, he he) and i seek your apology for anything i've done. in return, i shall forgive you all for your weaknesses, you mere mortals...HA HA HA HA!!!!

i love all of you, dudes and dudettes.

ke tepi
ke tepi
gergasi sudah ke mari

i just came back from mandarin oriental hotel. i broke my fast there (can i use english
that way?).
it's one of the perks of working here.nah, i'm kidding. but it was free, though.
it's been 6 weeks since i left qalha and stayed here, the 'kay to the ell'.man, that
was so lame!....jokes aside, it's not that bad. but this week, i've pretty much
accomplished nothing (like always), cuz i'm feeling kind of lethargic and kind of
jaded. it's strange to realize that i was once so eager to work in kl (kind of
ironic, really) and once i got here, i can't wait to get out of here and go back to
qalha. but i can't go back.seriously.
don't get me wrong. i like some parts of kl, like the rushing atmosphere, going
to work, the so-called 'modern-ness' of the capital. what i don't like is the
higher cost of living, the quantity of people (too much, really, but i think it's
majorly due to the fact that i'm an anti-social person), the 'pretentiousness'
(i don't even want to elaborate, i just want to use that word, honestly), and
i can't think of anything else.well, maybe not right now.
i see people living in apartment.rumah takdak tanah. do i want to have that
kind of house? i don't know.i'd like my house to have a front yard, but i think
it's not going to be in kl. i don't even see where i'd be in the next few years
or so. all i know is that i'd most probably stay at the current company for
a longer period. most probably lah.
while i'm eating at the hotel, a friend asked me,'hang bila nak kawin?dah
simpan duit?dah ada calon blom?'....peh, triple threat punya soalan.
it's been a while since i've heard that. and it got me thinking (a bit rusty,
if you don't mind) about some priorities. that particular point had become
the last item (if not 2nd last) on my to-do list. it used to be at the top,
though. it may be the fact that i'm kind of unlucky with the opposite sex,
(or lack of skills in establishing a rapport with 'em), or that it's simply i'm
too insensitive, or something to that effect.
whatever, man.
so, the new 'new thing' in my stereo right now is the streets' 'a grand don't
come for free'.it's brilliant. i should've typed 'brilliant' a thousand times, but
i'm not that agile.
ok.

i've found this interesting site with all the name generators,
for all type of things you can imagine. i tried the 'kawaii name
generator','real japanese name generator',and
'your penis' nickname'....

it was quite hilarious.

hari ni first time p lrt jalan kaki.....kereta hantar woksyop.
not bad actually.you get to exercise economy, and at the
same time, meeting the minimum requirements for a
healthy life.

la la la wak.

as i climb onto your back
i will promise not to sting
i will tell you what you wanna hear
and not mean anything

i will treat you like a dog
as i shoot my venom in
you pretend you didn't know
that i am a scorpion

......the scorpion, The System Has Failed, Megadeth 2005

kawan2 aku ada yang dah fly.rasa sedih, iri dan gembira pun ada.tapi redha la,
kejayaan kawan2 mcm kejayaan aku jugek.

tapi tadi aku mmg mendidih dengar cerita mamat satu sesi ceramah ngan aku.
dia scholar petronas, study US...kira senior aku jgk a
tua 3 tahun.

dia cerita time summer, dia layan backpacking kat europe sebulan.adventure
mmg sukar dilupakan.

peh mendidih gila.celaka economic crisis 1997.

pon, tunggu aku simpan duit woi! kita layan europe tahun depan!!!!!!!

tunggu!!!!

i'm now in kedah for the weekend. i'm gonna be back tomorrow.
it's nice to be here after working in kl.

it's true what they say, "absence makes the heart grew fonder". it makes you appreciate
your hometown. it's nice to see the three kittens in my household has grown up to be beautiful
cats. i miss my bed. my mom. everything.

especially the cheap cds and dvds here. you know what i found here? megadeth's latest album,
the streets' album and the hives' latest.

long live bandaraya alor setar, kedah darulaman.

i need to grow up.

i think.

since dubai, this is my first time in a broadband cc. laju jugak no? serius mati akai nak surf apa plak.baru 10 mins.
i think this might be the last weekend i'm free. lepaih tu ada macam2 arrangements sampai weekends pun burn cam tu ja.

berita sedih: my car got into a rather unfortunate situation and now it's sporting a rather large dent.

pakcik ten-shen!!!!!

aaaa....rasa macam nak balik kedah la ni jugak!!!!

awla weh.

you know that piece i did on all the cards offers?

well, now i got plenty cards. ramai.
let's see, now, in my wallet, i possess:

bonuslink
realrewards mesra
sahabat eon
kurnia insurans coverage
cidb construction coverage
two atm cards

peh.
lepas ni kena cari wallet yang banyak slot skit a.

lawak gila tengok jennifer love hewitt kena punk ngan ashton kutcher tadi.

haii.., apsai la lawa sangat jennifer love tu. memang eye candy.

these past two weeks have been really crazy. some people got to go overseas, some are about
to, me fronting a new challenge, bla 3x.

in less than a few weeks, i'm gonna be relocating to kl and starting a job at Petronas Carigali.
yes, i know, it's crazy. i, for once, still couldn't believe it. about a year ago, i attended an interview at klcc for the position and fumbled so bad, i thought i was banned from klcc. well, it appears much the opposite, now. they told me to report for duty on the 1st of september at the HR level.

i obeyed.

it wasn't easy for me to change jobs. i have worked at the consultancy for nearly three months.
hell, if it wasn't for the petronas letter, i would've confirmed and be a permanent staff. still, this
opportunity is too great to pass up.when i told my boss, he said, "go for it, dude".well, the word
'dude' was not there, but you know he gave his blessings to me. it was sad to leave the staffs
there at Paza, as it was a small and intimate company, and' we'd gotten used to each others'
antics.still, it's petronas, man.

i got other offers too, but less attractive ones. i got jkr at kl, and a lot of my mom's friends
questioned me for not taking that offer. well, i'm not the person to take up people's advice, so
there you go.

i'd ramble more, but i have to the bank to pay the car's bills. see y'all later.

kodiang 22 Augustus 2004

penang, baby, yeah!

i'm thinking of writing something profound as a tribute to my
friends, about to depart in a very short while.

i think lyrics to a song is much better.

so, if any of you out there got the chance to listen to
Norah Jones' 'don't know why'.......

i got a surprise. tapi teka la dulu.

teka la.

teka la.

sebenarnya haram tak saprais pun.

in a few weeks, some of friends will be going to foreign countries
to study. that's a very good opportunity for them.

and a giant leap too.

kepada rakan rakan yang naik pentas hari ini untuk menerima
scroll, tahniah buat hangpa.

berjanggut dah aku tunggu.

the strangest thing happened yesterday.
i got offers from bcb, southern bank and bonuslink
to join as a member.

if you ever watch csi, you'd notice the catchy song at the beginning and the end. it's by 'the who'.
imagine, 30 years later, and their music is still relevant. that doesn't apply to the local music
scene. csi, csi miami, and the limp bizkit cover,'behind blue eyes', that's all by the same band.
i bought 2 cd's, the who and velvet revolvers...of course, the 'original-local-produced' versions.
he he.

i'm tired and out of ideas.

cuba habag mai sat, channel mana yang tak dak muka siti nurhaliza?
adeh, penat eden.

wa la weh, lama jugak tak menaip untuk blog ni.

i've been sitting and staring at the monitor for the past two seconds because there's nothing
good to watch on tv (even astro). my sis's watching 'the o.c.', which, by my humble opinion,
is the worst drama acted out by the best looking thespians ever.basically, it's a piece of
dried up shit. tengok cat mengering lagi berfaedah.

it's the most attention this computer's got since, i don't know, six,seven weeks? work's pretty
hectic, resulting in my tiredness as soon as i reach home, and my lack of interest to write
anything for the last couple of weeks.but work's good. i like it when there's plenty to do and
less to think. i'm surprised by how much i was into structural designing. it's my main priority
right now, (although i'm not sure all the other priorities do exist), and work turned pretty well
for me. how do i find the right words...hmm.. ha. ok. i'll sum it up in four words:

kerja ni best aa.

it's a far departure from my days as a site engineer, running here and there..bla bla bla....
(you've heard this before). don't get me wrong, i still zip around, but not too much. only
on meetings, site visit, inspections, the whole nine yards.

i just lost my train of thought. maybe i'll continue later.

i just read about the columbine high school
massacre, and i've come to a conclusion:

american teenagers are unpredictable

rasa macam nak pasang cdplayer dlm kereta.
memang layan a nanti pasang 'first it giveth'
sambil commute pi kerja....

i'm in you
you're in me
i can't tell......

baru habis interview jkr 10am tadi.
they told me they're only hiring only
one engineer ( out of 20 today ).

hmm....he he he.

khamis ni jkr panggil interview.

interview lagii.......fenin la fenin.

peh, confirm, yang pass away tu same name, but different age.

yeah, baby.yeah!

i have established that not only i am bored,
but i am also a bore.

reunion malayan union.
semua tengah posing maut.
especially yg sebelah che mon tu. ha ha ha

it's been a very tiring weekend, and i've never been more excited about my work than
ever. it's a bit taxing on the body, however. i'm completely bushed by the time i arrive
at home at 5pm. i can't help but sleep it off immediately.

structural design is not what i expect to do when i started working two years ago. i was
still unsure about it when i accepted my friend's offer to ease his workload. now, i'm
thrilled at the prospect of receiving an architectural plan and walking the path of
'design-dom' (doesn't possess the same ring, ain't it?). of course, boredom might set in
sometime in the future, but now i'm not worried because i've got enough work to prevent
me from thinking too much.

i've done two structural designs: a wet market and an assembly hall. it's not actually
groundbreaking, but i'm getting there. no problem.

while i'm on the subject of problem, i just returned from an afternoon 'drink' with friends
and while i'm on the way home, i waited for my turn at the nearby traffic light. all the while
i was waiting for the green light, my mind wandered as i thought about my problems and
i couldn't help but feel 'serabut' about certain things (i tend to be over-analytic).

as the light turned green for the oncoming traffic, i saw something that sobered me up
pretty good. real good.

among all the other oncoming motorists, there was this pakcik pushing his tricycle
( i think he sells ice cream), and he's pushing pretty hard to get it in motion.

it's 7.45pm and he's just finished with his work. from his expression, i think he's very
tired.

wow. and here i am, obsessing about my petty problems and all.....hmm.

i should be grateful.

PS:

- i'm taking the PTD test tomorrow, so widh me luck.
- it's june and there're lots of b'days in this month.
- petaling street.

i went to afzan's wedding today with mixed feelings.
i rejoiced when i saw the female half of the once-together couple
happy with her spouse.
i'm slightly saddened when i tried to get a sense of what i'd feel
when a person once you cared for is permanently attached to another guy, and moved on.

so here's one for you, ijai.

i don't know how heartbroken he is because i've never experienced 'real love' (excuse the quotation marks) before.

anyone wanna see the pics, go to www.photobucket.com and use

username : oldwallet
password : smssmj

tahniah to the newlyweds.

an old friend dropped by my house this morning.
i haven't seen him in ages, and i've seen that
he's well. he's joyful, exuberant, chatty, doing
well in studies and work.
he's got it figured out.

the question is: where did i go wrong?

i started work at a consultancy firm today. agak berkarat.
it feels strange to work with a 'majority-malay' environment.
somehow, chatting is a crucial part of the work.

i'll have a tough time fitting in.

on a darker note, i read my fren's post about his 'attempts' on finding his 'dream girl'. i've been there, man. i have crashed and burned. so, that chapter's put on hold, at least for a while.

i'm starting a "quasi-seargent pepper's lonely hearts club".

anybody up for a membership?

a couple of days ago, oops,....yesterday, the nation celebrated Teachers' Day. awards were
given, speeches were heard, flowers were handed out, and we're talking bout the whole nine
yards here.

i have a story, albeit a very disturbing tribute to a teacher in the high school.
i didn't remember his name, but the dude has curly hair, quite sturdy and he had tinted
eyeglasses.

this story's set in 92 or 93, i couldn't remember, but it was certainly when i was in form one.
i was quite mischievous from 93-95 (would you believe it) and when i was in form one, i had
this habit of buying BACARIA (how bizarre) and my favorite thing to do after i've finished
reading them, is to get a marker and some correction fluid, and try to alter the headlines and
faces on the print, aiming to have the funniest outcome possible. biasa lah kan, budak budak.
you have to admit, it's kind of funny.

so, if i'm not mistaken, some dude from 1A3 borrowed the "artwork" to read during the night
prep (something i consider very risky, during that moment). i forgot who that dude was.i didn't
read any that night.

it so happens that this teacher was on duty that night and he caught the dude reading the print
(yup, an offence there), and he's not pleased with my 'modifications'.i guess he found out my
name, and he sought me out. at this time, i didn't know i'd be facing the "wrath of the furious
teacher" by the time he called me.

he then asked me

"paper ni awak punya ka?"
"ya, saya punya.."
"pasaipa awak contiang ni? pasaipa awak buat muka depa jadi macamni?awak nak saya panggil
emak bapak awak awak?nak saya report?"

all the time he was asking me this, he was holding my hand, shaking me very hard. he was
scolding,no wait.....he was 'herdik-ing' me as if i'd killed the prime minister. i answered

"tak mau, cikgu"

i was shivering by the time he let me go and i returned to class. i still can remember it clearly.

was i guilty? i think so. even so, he shouldn't have pelted me with verbal abuse like that. i've
never met any teacher like that drink of water in the entire school. looking back, i still think it's
way tooharsh. i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

so there you have it. a tribute from me, to that particular teacher on teachers' day.



just in case you're reading this, teacher, i just want to say F YOU.



yup, you heard me right.



F YOU,TEACHER.

the diesel engine is a wonderful creation.
i wonder how long the petrol engine will last.

The World Needs A Hero

An Iron fist quietly sits inside the Velvet Glove
Take control, untouchable just like God above
I can't escape, wrapped in red tape, what will become of me?
If I object, then I defect my country 'tis of thee
The White House is calling
Tell them I'll call them back
Just tell them anything
Yeah get them off my back
The world needs a hero
Not that I would ever lie but I have no choice
Words I say heard today are not mine, just my voice
NATO is on line 1
They want to talk to me
Tell them that I'm not in
Tell them that I'm not free
The world needs a hero
Phantom rule, the hidden jewel who's really in control?
On puppet strings, a nation swings undermined by moles
The UN is on hold
Tell them I'll call them back
Yeah tell them anything
Just get them off my back
The world needs a hero
Dave the White House is calling
They want to talk to me
Tell them that I can't be bought
Tell them that I'm not free
The world needs a hero

Moto Psycho

Responsibility, an anchor around my neck
Dependability, made me a nervous wreck
Accountability, I live from check to check
Volatility, neglect and no respect
Got my wheels in motion and I got a path to beat
I hit the road to "I don't know" and look for "Tough Shit Street"
One-way ticket nowhere there's no windows on this train
Can't see where I'm headed but I'm going there again
Moto Psycho
Going nowhere everybody is a
Moto Psycho move it or lose it baby
Going nowhere 100 miles an hour
Moto Psycho I'm a Moto Psycho
Moto Psycho
You know you can't resist to tell me what I mean
You gave my mind a twist said that I was unclean
The actor runs the play and ad-libs in between
You're all that I resent my thoughts were so obscene
Got my wheels in motion and I got a path to beat
I hit the road to "I don't know" and look for "Tough Shit Street"
One-way ticket nowhere there's no windows on this train
Can't see where I'm headed but I'm going there again
Moto Psycho
Going nowhere everybody is a
Moto Psycho move it or lose it baby
Going nowhere 100 miles an hour
Moto Psycho I'm a Moto Psycho
One-way ticket nowhere there's no windows on this train
Can't see where I'm headed but I'm going there again
Moto Psycho
Going nowhere everybody is a Moto Psycho
Going nowhere move it or lose it baby Moto Psycho
Going nowhere 100 miles an hour Moto Psycho
Where I'm headed I don't know but I'm shoving off and I hit the road
Going nowhere everybody is a Moto Psycho - time and time and time again I'm a
Moto Psycho
Moto Psycho move it or lose it baby
Going nowhere 100 miles an hour
Moto Psycho I'm a Moto Psycho

Burning Bridges

You give up on yourself
Somehow you got betrayed agin
Thin ice and luck runs out
Who will you blame it on this time?
Due to lack of interest in you
The light at the end of the tunnel
Was turned off
And something I noticed
Beating you is thrilling me
I've got a secret for you
If you took your own direction
If only you practice what you preach
If you follow your advice
You wouldn't be burning bridges all the time
Don't close your eyes to injustice
Listen, being brave ain't chicken shit
A man without any valor
Has nothing worth living for
Due to lack of interest in you
The light at the end of the tunnel
Was turned off
And something I noticed
Beating you is thrilling me
I've got a secret for you
If you took your own direction
If only you practice what you preach
If you follow your advice
You wouldn't be burning bridges all the time
If you took your own direction
If only you practice what you preach
If you follow your advice
You wouldn't be burning bridges all the time
If you took your own direction
If only you practice what you preach
If you follow your advice
You wouldn't be burning bridges all the time

Dread And The Fugitive Mind

Let me introduce myself I'm a social disease
I've come for your wealth leave you on your knees
No time for feeling sorry, I got here on my own
I won't ask for mercy, I choose to walk alone
What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine too
If you shake my hand better count your fingers
What if I do get caught? What if there is no judgment?
If I'm right I lose nothing, if you're right I lose it all
I ought to get caught because I'm doing something wicked
I'm guilty haunted by my fear and the only consequences
Are Dread and the Fugitive Mind
You built walls to protect you so no one will infect you
Pursued by those out there that vanish in thin air
Come a long way to find what you really left behind
You don't know when the end is but it's coming fast
What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine too
If you shake my hand better count your fingers
What if I do get caught? What if there is no judgment?
If I'm right I lose nothing, if you're right I lose it all
I ought to get caught because I'm doing something wicked
I'm guilty haunted by my fear and the only consequences
Are Dread and the Fugitive Mind

Symphony Of Destruction

You take a mortal man,
And put him in control
Watch him become a god
Watch peoples heads a'roll
A'roll...
Just like the Pied Piper
Led rats through the streets
We dance like marionettes
Swaying to the Symphony ...
Of Destruction
Acting like a robot
Its metal brain corrodes
You try to take its pulse
Before the head explodes
Explodes...
The earth starts to rumble
World powers fall
A'warring for the heavens
A peaceful man stands tall
Tall...

Sweating Bullets

Hello me ... Meet the real me
And my misfits way of life
A dark black past is my
Most valued possessions
Hindsight is always 20-20
But looking back it's still a bit fuzzy
Speak of mutually assured destruction?
Nice story ... Tell it to Reader's Digest !!!
Feeling paranoid
True enemy or false friend?
Anxiety's attacking me, and
My air is getting thin
I'm in trouble for the things
I haven't got to yet
I'm chomping at the bit and my
Palms are getting wet, sweating bullets
Hello me ... It's me again
You can subdue, but never tame me
It gives me a migraine headache
Thinking down to your level
Yea, just keep on thinking it's my fault
And stay an inch or two outta kicking distance
Mankind has got to know
His limitations
Feeling claustrophobic
Like the walls are closing in
Blood stains on my hands and
I don't know where I've been
I'm in trouble for the things
I haven't got to yet
I'm chomping at the bit and my
Palms are getting wet, sweating bullets
Well, me ... It's nice talking to myself
A credit to dementia
Some day you too will know my pain
And smile its blacktooth grin
If the war inside my head
Won't take a day off I'll be dead
My icy fingers claw your back
Here I come again
Feeling paranoid
True enemy or false friend?
Anxiety's attacking me, and
And my air is getting thin
Feeling claustrophobic
Like the walls are closing in
Blood stains on my hands and
I don't know where I've been
Once you committed me
Now you've acquited me
Claiming validity
For your stupidity
I'm chomping at the bit
I'm sharpening the axe
Here I come again, whoa!
Sweating bullets

felicitas.
omedetou gozaimasu.
tahni'ah.

i'm feeling kind of depressed today.

last night i watched two movies on vcd, which an occasion rare nowadays. i figured, since the
movies were of good reviews, and the 'dvd versions' are available, why not?

'school of rock' is undeniably funny, but he could do better. strange enough, jack black actually
had the presence to actually carry out the lead role in this flick. being a fan of his, i considered
his performance in 'high fidelity' as a john cusack's sidekick as his coolest yet, and i think he'd
stay in that safe spot, considering his role in 'shallow hal' was somewhat subdued by the fact
that he worked with Ms. Paltrow.

'big fish' is entertaining, yet has a lot of holes. maybe i didn't watch it right. yes, it's a signature
tim burton movie, very strange and bizarre. i think the ending is very, very........hmm. it's a sad
story, come to think of it. the most heart-wrenching moment in the flick is when albert finney
asks billy crudup (in the ward) to tell him the story about how he was gonna die. you gotta
admit, it's a tear-jerking moment when billy began to tell tall stories to his dying father,
and he's fighting to hold back his tears.

my eyes were all welled up at that moment.

this morning, i read the star in the middle section (i don't know what they call it) about the
50th anniversary of the defeat of the french army in vietnam. the war veterans
(well, the remaining) were all very enthusiastic about the future of vietnam, and one of
them said, " we are glad that the next generations would not haveto worry about war.
they only have to study hard and become succesful".

that's another tear-jerking statement.

for the record, i didn't cry. i ALMOST did.

yep.ha ha ha.

about ten years ago, i made a mistake. i only realised it recently, and i think it's kind of too late
to go back. well, i might as well 'fess up and move on.

the mistake :

I LISTENED TO METALLICA AND GOT HOOKED BY THEM. i mistook them for the 'heavy metal'
champions and foolishly justified every move they made, veering off course from the original
path of 'metaldom'. only now do i realize that they suck. big time.

what i should've done :

GET A GRIP ON MEGADETH.

that's what i'm doing now. wish me luck.

it's been so long since i've been this excited about a band, even if it's since disbanded.

hmm...

1000 TIMES GOODBYE

The tides of change pulled us apart
I feel a familiar pain
It seems like years since we’ve loved
Or even liked and that’s a lonely way to be
Drifting alone in a sea of agony
Your face I can’t recognize
Don’t make this hard on us
I will miss you if you just go away
I did no right you did no wrong
Nothing left but wasted days
I regret you leaving
But I will never take you back
You know what? it’s over
I just don’t feel the same way as I used to
We’ve been together forever, but it’s over
Goodbye 1000 times goodbye
The thought never crossed my mind
That this would be my last goodbye
Let me put pennies on your eyes
And kiss your lips one last goodbye
My love 1000 times goodbye
It seems nothing good is free
A good thing cost much more than the price
You were good but not that good
Don’t kid yourself now it’s time to beak up
Drifting alone in a sea of agony
Your face I can’t recognize
Don’t make this hard on us
I will miss you if you just go away
I did no right you did no wrong
Nothing left but wasted days
I regret you leaving
But I’ll never take you back
Don’t call me anymore. it’s just not¡­
I don’t feel the same way about you
Its not as good as it used to be
Goodbye 1000 times goodbye
The thought never crossed my mind
That this would be my last goodbye
Let me put pennies on your eyes
And kiss your lips one last goodbye
My love 1000 times goodbye
I’ll always love you but just not like that
Like what?
I want to be honest with you I met someone else
You did what?
And I really, I really love him like I used to love you
Remember the time that I told you that
I was going out of town for business?
Well I went to see him
You know what? you suck!
Goodbye 1000 times
You’ll always have a special place
In my heart you know that
It’s just I can’t be with you anymore it’s over
Goodbye 1000 times
Things may not work out with him
Goodbye 1000 times
And if they don’t
Goodbye 1000 times
Then I’ll certainly call you
Goodbye 1000 times
You mean a lot to me
I still really want to be friends with you
I love you like you’re my brother

PROMISES

Two hearts that shouldn’t
Talk to each other become close
In a town much like a prison cell
People speak our names
On the street in hushed tones
Oh the stories they’d tell
If anyone would listen
You come from a town where
People don’t bother saying hello
Unless somebody’s born or dies
And I come from a place where they
Drag your hopes through the mud
Because their own dreams are all dying
And when we walk down the street
The wind sings our name in rebel songs
The sounds of the night should make us anxious
But it’s much to late when the fear is gone
I will meet you in the next life, I promise you
Where we can be together, I promise you
I will wait till then in heaven, I promise you
I promise, I promise
There’s so many fighting
To get past the pearly gates
But nobody ever wants to die or get saved
Their intentions aren’t that good
And I can smell the asphalt
That’s their personal road to hell being paved
And when we walk down the street
The wind sings our name in rebel songs
But it’s much to late when the fear is gone
I will meet you in the next life, I promise you
Where we can be together, I promise you
I will wait till then in heaven, I promise you
I promise, I promise
I will meet you in the next life, I promise you
Where we can be together, I promise you
I will wait till then in heaven, I promise you
I promise, I promise

DISCONNECT

Behind closed doors all you live for is taking
That double life of yours has left your whole world shaking
Who are you fooling? I know you hear the laughter
Don’t you hear people talking? what is it that your after?
Turn off your conscience
Leave the world outside
Nothing at all can ever make you feel
That anything’s so real so you just - disconnect
The key to save yourself if for nothing else
A tongue can never hold the truth of silence is golden
With a broken heart underneath all of the pain
Do you stroke the pretty scars? the hurt never ends
Turn off your conscience
Leave the world outside
Nothing at all can ever make you feel
That anything’s so real so you just - disconnect
Turn off your conscience
Leave the world outside
Nothing at all can ever make you feel
That anything’s so real so you just - disconnect
Turn off your conscience
Leave the world outside
Nothing at all can ever make you feel
That anything’s so real so you just - disconnect

RETURN TO HANGAR

Welcome to an empty fortress
A mighty wreck that once was proud
Ate alive by oxidation
Abandoned by a crew of cowards
Navigation systems failed
Computers crashed and they all fall down
Possibly I’ve seen too much
Hangar 18 I know too much
All the guilty paid the price
Suspended by their broken necks
No one survived to tell the story
When foreign life forms resurrect
And military intelligence is
Still two words that can’t make sense
Possibly I’ve seen too much
Hangar 18 I know too much

i hope i'm not gonna gross people out by this post. i'm sure they will be.

there are simple pleasures in life that some, or most take for granted. i myself don't have many
pleasantries, pleasure or luxuries, so my preferences may look pretty lame, as opposed to some
others might prefer such as shopping, taking long walks on the beach, aromatic therapy bath
(man, o man), so on so forth. but hey, it's up to everyone, right?

one of the most gratifying things i could probably include is sneezing. tell me truth, don't it feel
good to sneeze, after your nose's been itchy, and you've been anticipating? i like to
sneeze (of course, it's involuntary reaction to dust), but i like it best when i sneeze LOUDLY, and
with such force that anyone nearby would be startled, and look at you with disgust, as if you're
a streaker.some say that sneezing is way better than the big 'o'...if you know what i mean.
however, sadly, i couldn't verify that...........yet.

i'd include taking a dump/deposit in the bank of nature/thelovebelow next. man, you have to be
a worm not to include this.remember the pain you have when you're holding the dragon in?man,
it hurts like hell! i remember in some occasions, the grumble in my belly was so bad, that i
started having involuntary spasms. feh....atfer you're finished, you'd go.."aaaahhh....".
you know it.

and the third would be driving (in a car, of course) in the night, on empty road, listening to your
favourite band on the ol' in-car-entertainment unit. i don't need to elaborate more on this, man.
it's self-explanatory.

there you have it. the list was gonna be longer, but i'm bored of typing.

onlyyesterday
theytold meyouweregone
allthesenormalpeople
willifindanotherone?
monkeyonmyback
achinginmybones
iforgotyousaid
onedayyoullwalkalone
isaidineedyou
doesthatmakemewrong?
amiaweakman?
areyoufeelingstrong?
myheartwasblackeneditsbloodyred
aholeinmyheartaholeinmyhead?
whowillhelpmeup?
wheresthehelpinghand?
willyouturnonme?
isthismyfinalstand?
inadreamicannotsee
tangledabstractfallacy
randomturmoilbuildsinme
imaddictedtochaos
lightshinedonmypath
turnedbaddaysintogood
turnedbreakdownsintoblocks
smashedemcauseicould
mybrainwaslabored
myheadwouldspin
dontletmedowndontgiveupdontgivein
theraincomesdown
codlwindblows
theplanswemade
arebackupontheroad
turnupmycollar
welcometheunknown
iforgotthatyousaid
onedayyoullwalkalone.......................addictedtochaos,youthanasia, megadeth1994.

gila pak arab itu!

unta yg dicat utk charity

nak masuk kena bayar dong! gak bisa !

my unc

yeah. i did it. i got me an online album, represent!
you can visit either at

oldwallet.fotopages.com - this is pretty simple stuff

if any of you want to visit the more extensive collection, go to photobucket,
type oldwallet and use this particulars.

username : oldwallet
password : 6 letters (short form for sek men sains sultan mohd jiwa)

i wonder what would life be if james hetfield didn't throw dave mustaine out
of the band in the '80s?

hear me
and if i close my mind in fear
please pry it open
see me
and if my face become sincere
beware
hold me
and when i start to come undone
stitch me together
see me
and if you see me strut
remind me of what left this outlaw torn

there are times when you feel so shitty, you can't help but notice
that you're all alone.

yup.

goin' to kl. got some stuff to pick up in bangi.

my new hobby is playing air drums. you'll break out in a sweat in no time.

she said ' i'll throw myself away. they're just photos, after all'
i can't make you hang around. i can't wash you off my skin.

last thursday i tried to do something good for a change. little did i know that i suck at doing that.
i rest my case.

my unc just opened a futsal center, and it was booked like there's no tomorrow. he's swamped at
work and he needed an assistance, so naturally my mother, the ever-bigger-than-the-universe
mother heard bout it and suggested that i help him. i was kinda reluctant at first and was like,
'what, me work?' then she began telling these pathetic stories bout my unc spending no time
with his family. i budged and agreed to work for a while at his place. i went to meet him and
he agreed to hire me.

unbeknownst (i love using this word, even if it's spelt wrongly) to me, the mother also sold the
same story to my tokwan. you see, my grandpa is a businessman, and as soon as he heard
the amount people pay for playing futsal, his ears went, "ka-ching!".

obviously, he wanted a piece of that footie pie.

the next morning, he called me and asked me to go to the center with him. i, being the good
grandchild i am (yeah, right) innocently went with him and introduced him to the unc @
mother's cousin. the grandpa asked him all sorts of questions and when he's finished we
went home and grandpa said to me "you know what to do...". actually, i don't.

later that afternoon, my unc asked me to meet him at the center. i (again, innocently) went,
thinkin' he might give some pointers bout working there...(i hadn't started yet). when i arrived,
we had a very unexpected conversation. apparently, he was very worried bout my grandpa
opening another futsal center, worrying that his market might be halved. you see, he poured
all his savings into this joint and if it goes belly-up, he might too. it's a totally different game
for the grandpa, who's got money for pet projects (he has plenty moneter). he diplomatically
explained to how ironic it would be if worked at his place and as soon as the grandpa's
futsal place, i'd run there with all the skills i'v acquired at the unc's place. he was treading very
carefully, not wanting to insult me. oh, and did i mention his partner was also saying the same
thing. i was unresponsive most of the time, as i was always most of the time..ha ha...
i didn't response mainly because he was basically right. i can understand the perils of
bussiness, and even if i don't, i'd be understanding.

but (there's always a but!), i was insulted because he was 'cakap berlapik'-ing. it would have
been easier if he was straight to the point. and you know what's worse? while he's
"stating his reasons" to me, there i was, saying to myself, " you whimp ! you fool ! give
more credit to yourself, dammit! this is what you get when youtry to be nice."

it's true, you know. i tried to be nice on a few occasions, and it has brought me nowhere.
lastly, i decided not to work at the unc's footie place, and MAYBE consider helping the grandpa.
i'll try to stay true to my new year's resolution (the first, actually) which is giving myself more
credit and respect. that's all.

you know that royal tenenbaums tagline, ' family is not a word, it's a sentence'?

on a different level, that could not be more true.

indeed a fool of mine
aaahhh...................

i had bloated stomach and i was victim slash collateral damage

now the sand's become a crust, most of you have gone away

undi, let's!

i just bought a cd-rw drive, and i'm crazy bout creating audio cd's.
anyone want some piece of music? give me your address and
i'll send you a piece.

it's my selection, so be prepared to stomach it.

i come undone.

that's what i am now.

i bought this cd from a cd store in DXB (dubai). i think it's not very easy to find in malaysia.
queens of the stone age's songs for the deaf.

this cd's all the music i've been hearing all this while. it's the new.......i don't think it's the
new anything. it's in a class of its own.

the song 'no one knows' particularly struck me. i'm still trying to decipher the lyrics.
is it a love song? is it a drug song?

the answer? 'no one knows'......he he he.

life's a female canine.

well, i'm back. i can't believe i made it to dubai and back. even my sister didn't believe
i went to dubai.....sucker!....ha ha ha....

let's see.....dubai....what's there to tell?.......

that is a very tough question. don't ask that question ever to anyone going somewhere.

i'll ask myself an easier question.

what's not in dubai?

answer: two things............one: arabs......two: taxes..................seriously.

dubai has a population of roughly 10 million, and about 20% is made up of locals.
the other 80 is made up of caucasians, indians. pakistanis, filipinos, indonesians,
malaysian, and so on. so, you see less of the arabs and more of the non arabs.

a pretty ironic trip, huh?

anything that you couldn't understand in dubai, you will as soon as you relate them
to the demographic fact above.

i'll save my time and yours by jotting the facts in point form.....

1. the cars there are damn cheap.
2. so's the gas.
3. the local call is free of charge.
4. the standard of living is higher than malaysia.(that's why i'm considering going there)
5. the currency is dirham and the exchange rate is almost the same (RM 1 = AED 0.92)
6. there are hardly any motorbikes there (refer to no. 1 for cause)
7. the crime is almost non-existent.
8. the weather's......phenomenal.
9. there're only 11 working months in a year.
10. and that's not including the whole ramadan off from work.
11. i have a shitload of facts here, but i'm too tired.

i'll continue next time.

ma'assalamah. (ce ce....dah setat cakap arab....he he...)

here i am, in a cc in dubai, with a pc and a high-speed internet connection.this is heaven.surely.
i think i'd might come back.

du-bye.

sunyi gila.
semua orang sudah belah daa.
i'm about to too.

We get some rules to follow
That and this
These and those
No one knows

We get these pills to swallow
How they stick
In your throat
Tastes like gold

Oh, what you do to me
No one knows

And I realize you’re mine
Indeed a fool of mine
And I realize you’re mine
Indeed a fool of mine
Ahh

I journey through the desert
Of the mind
With no hope
I found low

I drift along the ocean
Dead lifeboats in the sun
And come undone

Pleasently caving in
I come undone

And I realize you’re mine
Indeed a fool of mine
And I realize you’re mine
Indeed a fool and mine
Ahhh

Heaven smiles above me
What a gift there below
But no one knows

A gift that you give to me
No one knows


salam maal hijrah, yo!

ada satu saudagar yahudi
tinggal di-dalam negri italy
makan bunga kuat skali
di-mana pergi orang benchi

pasal pujok serta temberang
nama shylock banyak terang
pegang gadai amek barang
yahudi ini pandai saorang

bagaimana orang tak benchi
kapada ini satu yahudi
dia sperti satu gergaji
sorong makan kanan kiri

antara belom lidah-nya kelu
belom minom mahu mabok dahulu
kemdian minom bagi selalu
simpang lorong buleh di-lalu

mabok sedikit banyak mulot
tahan jugak dia bergelot
yang mabok sunggoh maki berkalot
hal-nya dia terjoon selot

these are some lyrics from a song that i found very intriguing and unique.
it's 'gravedigger' from dave matthews band

gravedigger
when you dig my grave
make it shallow
so that i can feel the rain
gravedigger
when you dig my grave
make it shallow
so that i can feel the rain
gravedigger
gravedigger

deep.very deep.


oh yeah......happy valentine's day kepada semua orang yang happy.

my mum's car broke down, so i fetched her from the office on my bike.
the car's in total shambles.

i'm not just deaf and dumb
i'm staring at the sun

i thought i'd write something.

these past few months (i'm not quite sure about using the word 'few') have been good.
and by 'good' i'm obviously not using the usual standards when measuring 'goodness'.
i've been fairly dormant and very passive in approaching life recently, and i did that just
because i'd like to feel what it's like to be a 'ghost', watching people, time and events
pass you by. i also had a chance, a glimpse if you'd prefer, of what a recluse is, just
like a very close person i haven't seen for a long time, and probably never will again.
that, and i paid tribute to friend of mine who, not a long time ago, was in a somewhat
similar situation to me. another reason is, i've been thinking (thinking is dangerous)
that i've been doing things so fast, and i need to stop and let the world catch up.
(alasan paling poyo sekali)

from the knowledge point of view, i've never learned so much in such a short span of
time. well, most of it was trivial, anyways. but not to me. as long as the piece of info
enlightens you, it's not trivial. kudos to all of you out there who sacrificed your time,
so that i can waste mine. i think i've made the most of mine, and now i'd like to move
on.so, you'll be hearing less and less of me from this point on.

some (or none) might ask, 'why doesn't this bloke write about music?'. i am going to,
ya POS! well, it seems that i'm going through the 'soundgarden phase' and there's nothing
but 'garden mp3s lying on the ol' winamp playlist. if you'd like a sample of what 'garden's
all about, i'd recommend 'superunknown', their mega-selling album. or if you'd prefer a
song, my personal choice'd be 'jesus christ pose'. now please don't accuse me of being a
heretic. the song's just gonna pound you and pound you and pound you to the wall.
there you go.....another person fleeing...he he..

if you're appaled by the way i run this blog 'ere, i respect your opinion; it counts. i'm
not too enthusiastic bout writing happy thoughts, kids running through the meadows,
couples kissing passionately ( i can see barfing already), and all that shit. maybe
there's hope for me somewhere in the future, or in the next life (kidding).
don't be scared.

talking of being scary, i thought i'd mention something i saw in the TV a week earlier.
it's the scariest shit i've ever seen and it's not a ghost or apparition. it's real. i think
most of you'd seen it in channel 71 mtv.
it was 'behind the music - redhotchillipeppers' and it's halfway through and it's about
john frusciante's deep plunge into heroine addiction when he left the band.
words don't do justice here. you'v to see it to believe it.
his skin was a pale shade of yellow, almost like a jaundice patient, and the linings of
his fingernails was red.his hands and arms was full of puncture marks, obviously from
injecting drugs into the veins.his face was clear and the cheeks was concave.his eyes
look like they've never closed in a million years. the way he talks, you'd predict him
dead in hours. you think that's scary? now picture this:

picture that everyday for six years.

his condition was so severe that, when john frusciante emerged from rehab he can't
speak properly.his speach's slurred. he lost all his teeth. he spent close to 70k for
a new set of teeth. his arms are full of abcess marks.

now go watch MISTIK and tell me if that shit is scary.

i think that's it. i'v got an essay to finish, nanti cikgu denda berdiri atas kerusi kalau
tak siap.

pakcik ada temujanji

selamat menyambut aidil adha kepada yg mengerjakan ibadat haji mahupun
yang duduk di kedai kopi main dam haji.

wooing potential gfs/future wives isn't what it used to be. it's not an exact science,
and results may vary. there's currently not one formula or correlation linking effort
and probability of success which anyone can consult. in other words, better pray for
luck on your side, bro, 'cuz the statistics are nuthin' but some bull excrements.

ha ha.

i'd been putting off writing until now, and it seems like my muse has returned.
....nah, just kidding. i got some juice from the tv.
it seems like everybody's on tv lately, or more precisely, on mass media.
i'v got a friend, an engineer, who got interviewed about a couple of weeks ago,
about what features he'd like on future cellphones. he said he'd like fax features
on cellphones.

personally, i think his opinion's the dumbest i've heard.seriously, man.fax?

but that's media, man.everybody has their say. even if it's stupid.even the tv,
man.i just watched some programs, and i think they're garbage.music segments
that lump together pop bands and some nu-metal fuckers, and they're titled
"the rock show".i'm not naming any names here. i think they're obscure enough.
and if they're obvious enough, who gives a fuck.
some people call tv the idiot box. i call it the one-way mirror. it's the mirror to what's
happening around the world. yup, really. when you watch bad movies or drama,
the truth is, there is really is a bad director out there. and i'm not just talking bout the
local scene. 'caucasians' also produce REALLY stupid movies that defied the normal
definitions of stupidity. it's an insult to stupid people. people like me and all of you who
just finished reading this sentence.....no offense.
i don't know if the last sentence really made sense, or did it justify what's happening
now.

occasionally, every now and then, there'd bound to be a good program somewhere.
i watched the JUARA LAGU re-run, and i think most of it was brilliant.
misha totally stole the show, as did SITI NURHALIZA. this is the first time i'm writing
a positive comment on her.ning was great too.one particularly bad singer was that
yassin's protege, wahida. i shall describe her voice in simple words.

"bunyi dia macam kibasy kena sembelih. buruk gila."

she's the only bad thing that night, apparently. evrythin' else was cool. i saw ella
doing the dangdut number.she was brilliant. she reminded me of my earlier
ex-gf. not that i have so many, ek? feelong la pulak. moving on....

ah yes. i took up reading, and read i did. i was a bit rusty there, but i liked what i read.
it's cool, and challenging, and what can i say, it's a creepy selection.
here's the list:

1 - serial killers
2 - crime criminals
3 - good luck (bukan buku tp jap drama.....it's okeh la)
4 - theory of relativity and special relativity
5 - spacetime continuum
6 - turbochargers, superchargers, yo-yos, skyscrapers
7 - (put suggestions here)

item 4 and 5 was very challenging, and pretty hard to digest, even though it's physics.

phew!

i saw this documentary about time travel, and this guy explained how that could
be achieved, and i was like, .....get outta heerrre!

he made it sound so..logical.

congratulations!