she said ' i'll throw myself away. they're just photos, after all'
i can't make you hang around. i can't wash you off my skin.

last thursday i tried to do something good for a change. little did i know that i suck at doing that.
i rest my case.

my unc just opened a futsal center, and it was booked like there's no tomorrow. he's swamped at
work and he needed an assistance, so naturally my mother, the ever-bigger-than-the-universe
mother heard bout it and suggested that i help him. i was kinda reluctant at first and was like,
'what, me work?' then she began telling these pathetic stories bout my unc spending no time
with his family. i budged and agreed to work for a while at his place. i went to meet him and
he agreed to hire me.

unbeknownst (i love using this word, even if it's spelt wrongly) to me, the mother also sold the
same story to my tokwan. you see, my grandpa is a businessman, and as soon as he heard
the amount people pay for playing futsal, his ears went, "ka-ching!".

obviously, he wanted a piece of that footie pie.

the next morning, he called me and asked me to go to the center with him. i, being the good
grandchild i am (yeah, right) innocently went with him and introduced him to the unc @
mother's cousin. the grandpa asked him all sorts of questions and when he's finished we
went home and grandpa said to me "you know what to do...". actually, i don't.

later that afternoon, my unc asked me to meet him at the center. i (again, innocently) went,
thinkin' he might give some pointers bout working there...(i hadn't started yet). when i arrived,
we had a very unexpected conversation. apparently, he was very worried bout my grandpa
opening another futsal center, worrying that his market might be halved. you see, he poured
all his savings into this joint and if it goes belly-up, he might too. it's a totally different game
for the grandpa, who's got money for pet projects (he has plenty moneter). he diplomatically
explained to how ironic it would be if worked at his place and as soon as the grandpa's
futsal place, i'd run there with all the skills i'v acquired at the unc's place. he was treading very
carefully, not wanting to insult me. oh, and did i mention his partner was also saying the same
thing. i was unresponsive most of the time, as i was always most of the time..ha ha...
i didn't response mainly because he was basically right. i can understand the perils of
bussiness, and even if i don't, i'd be understanding.

but (there's always a but!), i was insulted because he was 'cakap berlapik'-ing. it would have
been easier if he was straight to the point. and you know what's worse? while he's
"stating his reasons" to me, there i was, saying to myself, " you whimp ! you fool ! give
more credit to yourself, dammit! this is what you get when youtry to be nice."

it's true, you know. i tried to be nice on a few occasions, and it has brought me nowhere.
lastly, i decided not to work at the unc's footie place, and MAYBE consider helping the grandpa.
i'll try to stay true to my new year's resolution (the first, actually) which is giving myself more
credit and respect. that's all.

you know that royal tenenbaums tagline, ' family is not a word, it's a sentence'?

on a different level, that could not be more true.