A TRIP I SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE.

I had set my mind on staying in JB this weekend, but
I guess impulse got the better of me.

9am.
The phone rang. It was Abun, wanting to know if anybody's
going to Casper's wedding. I was still in bed then, saying no
of course, but still I feel a bit guilty.

10am.
All dressed up, filled (car-wise, stomach-wise) and called up
Abun, apologizing profusely, and basically dragging his ass out
of bed to go. The thing is, I'm still in JB, and I'm unsure whether
we'd makeit in time.

12.30pm.
Arrived at Petronas kiosk, Bukit Jalil, and Abun's nowhere in
sight. He turned up at 1pm, with that lopsided grin of his. I was
furious he was tardy, but he brought a spanking new Vios, so I
forgave him in exchange for the driver's seat.

1.30pm.
Christ, this car's comfy. And steady too. I thought I was doing
110, when I looked at the speedometer, it was 150 ! It was nice
to catch up with Abun, though. You'd thought this guy was the
most boring person ever (well, almost all boring persons end up
in oil and gas industry), but apart from Enche' Fakhrin, he had
some stories to tell. He managed to spill his drinks between his
crotch, which was typical of Abun, but after a quick stop, the car
(and his attire) was stain-free. Abun just came from the MASA
field doing PLC troubleshooting (whatever that is) for 2 weeks.
He'd thought of asking his ex to come with
him to Ipoh (yes, you read it right), but got declined.

I was amazed at the funky situation this guy was in. Apparently,
they took a temporary time off from each other, all the while still
going out with each other.

Fucking hell.

But as he elaborated further on what's the challenge of his work
and how it interfered with his personal life, I realised that I had
the same predicament, the same symptoms, the same
lackasidal attitude. We exchanged opinions about changing jobs,
me working offshore and him wanting to specialize in
turbomachinery.

I seriously think Abun is going to make it. From the way he talks
about his job, I can see he's going to be very good.

2.50pm
We arrived in Ipoh. Using Abun's GPS, we tried to find Casper's
house.

3.30pm
We got lost using the GPS. But we found the house. Casper was
there, his face lighting up upon seeing us. We took some pictures,
catch-up on a few matters. It was great seeing him again.

And I heard some news, which made me say 'Wow.'

5pm.
Got into the highway, heading south. Of course, I poked fun at him
about his longtime crush in high school.

I guess he felt a bit uncomfortable. He told me he kept in touch
with her a few times, but what I heard shocked me to the core.

Someone already 'declared' first back then, and I guess she became
off the market at that time.

To this day, I don't get what 'declare' was all about.

But what shocked me further was the guy who 'de-clare-ed'. I haven't
imagined him at all. Wow. Well, I guess Abun was collateral damage.
From that point up until now, I guess the timing just wasn't right for
them. She was free, he was obsessed with another girl, he was free,
she got engaged to be married.

Well, tears dry on their own.

I 'terkesima' a bit, learning of the twist of the doomed, starcrossed life
of his. (Is it a template for me too? Fuck!) At the same time, I felt bad
for opening up the can of worms. I don't know, but the thing is, even
with all these fucked-up shit that's been going on in his life, he's still
somewhat upbeat about it (that's the spirit, Pare!) He still has his ups
and downs, which would've wiped me out, but you know, when your
head clears up, it's gonna be alright.

So, to brighten the mood up, I regaled the stories of how, in Ethiopia,
we chased down this wild boar with our truck. The boar was so stupid,
it kept running through the tracks until it was tired and decided to walk
instead, giving up on its fate. It was funny (I think so) and we laughed
a lot. So I told a few more stories, until time passed and suddenly,
we arrived at Jalan Duta Toll Plaza.

6.45pm
We got to the BJ Petronas, my car parked there. Did Jama' Qasar a bit,
and I decided to drive back to JB that very instant. My head's still
spinning over the news I heard earlier, I had no mood to be in KL
any longer. We said our goodbyes, me apologizing to him for protruding
too much into his life's story. I guess sometimes you bare your soul to
friends, sometimes you feel it is private and hope people won't pry too much.

As I drove, my head wanders. The speedo read 140,150 as my right foot
became heavier and heavier.The stereo played Winehouse, Audioslave,
QOTSA, 'Garden.

Nuthin' sticks. Nothing made me sing along or played air drums on the
steering wheel, or play scaleson the air guitar. Not even Mastodon.

I was the exact opposite when I was driving to KL this morning.

I was staring into nothingness and I guess my right brain did the driving.

10pm.
Skudai Toll. Rolled down the window, shut down the AC, the stereo,
as I inhaled the Ta'zim air.

I don't know if I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight.

Made a pit stop near the Dataran for some dinner. Got out of the car
a bit awkward, realising I've been driving non-stop for the past
8 hours. Fuck.

Then, as I drove down the flyover towards Blue Wave, I began
mouthing off,

"Where, oh where have you been, my love?
Where, oh where can you be?......."

without any music at all. It was ugly. I have to admit it. But
I managed to finish it.

Will it be the last song I'd sing?

I arrived at my room, unsure of what I've done, what I haven't
done or I don't know, whether I'd swamp myself with work
tomorrow purposely.

I guess I'd better hit the hay.

With my eyes wide open.

Will everything be alright tomorrow?